Many times, we hear stories about women who left suddenly.
“We’d been dating for almost a year, and I thought everything was going fine. Then she just disappeared – stopped returning my calls, texts, emails. One day I saw her at an event and she refused to talk to me.”
“We’d been together for ten years. I went away for the weekend, and when I came back, she was gone. She had just moved out. When I called her, she hung up on me.”
“We had a wonderful relationship. She used to say, ‘This is everything I ever wanted.’ Then one night we made love – I had no idea it would be the last time. The next day, she moved out. We weren’t able to talk about it for two years.”
“Sure, we had some problems, but I thought we were both committed to working them out. Then one day she texted me that it was over. That was it.”
Why did these women leave suddenly? We sometimes hear the other side of the story too… women who found themselves in relationships that just didn’t work for them, and had no idea how to voice what they needed, or how to make real change. Sometimes they struggled silently for months or years, then hit a breaking point. Sometimes they tried to talk about what they felt, but it just turned into a fight, or went nowhere. But often, they felt too confused and guilty about their feelings to even bring them up. Often they thought, “It’s not her, it’s me,” or “It’ll just hurt her if I say something,” or “This is just the way she is,”so they stayed silent.
It’s incredibly traumatic and painful to get left suddenly and without explanation.
It can challenge everything you thought you knew about yourself, your partner, love, and life in general. It’s also terribly hard to be the one who feels like there’s no way to bring up what you want or need – no way to communicate except by walking out the door.
The saddest thing is that this pain is completely avoidable, but most of us never learned how to avoid it. We never had anyone teach us how to bring things up skillfully, in ways that our partner could hear. How to listen to her in ways that let her open up and feel heard. How to get to the root of our conflicts and heal them, rather than having the same fight (or variations on it) over and over and over again. Most of us also didn’t have anyone teach us how to sit with our own feelings with compassion and really take time to get to the core of them. Yet, that skill can make a huge difference in our relationship lives – and it’s totally learnable.
That’s why we at Conscious Girlfriend are so passionate about teaching women these skills!